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Thursday, June 30, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Looking Down at the Little People
I realized yesterday that true advancement at your job is not your title or your salary...
It's having things that are beneath you to do at work. Because that's what those two things really signify.
Like when something needs to get photocopied, you can look at that and say not my job. Ask someone else.
Nothing is more humorous than a person who was at the bottom realize that something is now beneath them.
That last fleeting look at the copier and fax machine like "Goodbye old friend, I'll never see you again. Be nice to my assistant/intern. They will be representing me now."
In that regard, I have accomplished nothing.
It's having things that are beneath you to do at work. Because that's what those two things really signify.
Like when something needs to get photocopied, you can look at that and say not my job. Ask someone else.
Nothing is more humorous than a person who was at the bottom realize that something is now beneath them.
That last fleeting look at the copier and fax machine like "Goodbye old friend, I'll never see you again. Be nice to my assistant/intern. They will be representing me now."
In that regard, I have accomplished nothing.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Craiglist Virgins
When I hear about people who bought furniture like couches and mattress and futons all willy nilly, I always cringe. I'll only sit on the edges.
Who was the person you bought it from? More importantly, were they extremely attractive?
Why is that important?
Because an extremely attractive person has more than likely had sex on the item your are purchasing. Shit, I woulnd't even trust a kitchen table.
A moderately attractive person you can gauge by whatever personal interaction you have with them if they are the "having sex" type
Ugly people are probably not having sex but I wouldn't get a mattress from them either.
I think if you are going to spend your money on a mattress or couch, you have the right to ask if they have fornicated on the item.
I only trust buying from virgins on Craigslist.
Who was the person you bought it from? More importantly, were they extremely attractive?
Why is that important?
Because an extremely attractive person has more than likely had sex on the item your are purchasing. Shit, I woulnd't even trust a kitchen table.
A moderately attractive person you can gauge by whatever personal interaction you have with them if they are the "having sex" type
Ugly people are probably not having sex but I wouldn't get a mattress from them either.
I think if you are going to spend your money on a mattress or couch, you have the right to ask if they have fornicated on the item.
I only trust buying from virgins on Craigslist.
Friday, June 24, 2005
When times are tough...
...sometimes all you have is each other.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Manual Labor
A co-worker asked me if I wanted kids to which I replied:
"Of course, I don't want to be doing the dishes for the rest of my life."
Seriously, who wants to be 50 years old taking out the trash and shit?
That's what kids are for.
Dishes and trash and the occasional joys in life.
But dishes and trash come first.
I want to come home from work, sit in front of the television and yell "Did you take out the trash yet?"
"Of course, I don't want to be doing the dishes for the rest of my life."
Seriously, who wants to be 50 years old taking out the trash and shit?
That's what kids are for.
Dishes and trash and the occasional joys in life.
But dishes and trash come first.
I want to come home from work, sit in front of the television and yell "Did you take out the trash yet?"
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Split Decision
Question for the ladies...
Since when does the split in your skirt go in the front?
I thought it was always the back or maybe the side.
But lately, I've been seeing these women with the slit in the front sometimes leads to seeing something I shouldn't be seeing without their permission.
There has been a couple of cases at work where I had to tell some other women to talk to the offender because better them than me & a sexual harassment case.
But I think next time I see this, I'm gonna go up to the young lady and whisper her underwear color in her ear and then walk away.
"Pink."
--Superman from Superman: The Movie
Since when does the split in your skirt go in the front?
I thought it was always the back or maybe the side.
But lately, I've been seeing these women with the slit in the front sometimes leads to seeing something I shouldn't be seeing without their permission.
There has been a couple of cases at work where I had to tell some other women to talk to the offender because better them than me & a sexual harassment case.
But I think next time I see this, I'm gonna go up to the young lady and whisper her underwear color in her ear and then walk away.
"Pink."
--Superman from Superman: The Movie
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Fuck Alfred Lord Tennyson!
He was the one who said the immortal words:
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
You know what that tells me about Alfie?
Either he's never been in love.
Or he's only been in love once.
Let me preface this mini-rant by stating that this is not consciously about any particular person (although a therapist after a week's worth of work would determine that it was about a bunch of different people)
I was on the train on the way home and I was thinking about this quote while listening to some Radiohead (probably didn't help) and I came to the conclusion that, while I'm sure it sounded smart at the time, it was a really STUPID concept.
I mean, sure if you've fallen in love once and lost and no matter what the pain was, you can always say you've had the experience of love.
But after the second, third and fourth "lost loves", that outlook goes straight out the fucking window.
The older I get, the more I feel that it's better to have not loved anymore than to have given love another shot to lose me again.
Seriously, after a couple of stabs at it, do you feel any better about it?
Do you feel like you're getting somewhere?
Do I feel like a better person for having loved and lost more than once? Yes and no.
Yes, I know more about what it means to be a human being and I know more about relationships and women and emotions than I ever would have.
But I also know more about pain and loss and irrational thought than your average Star Trek geek attends conferences every year and lives in his mother's basement (well, maybe not irrational thought).
Lucky them. They couldn't holodeck the emotions attached with multiple lost loves.
One and done would have been good enough for me.
There's another saying...
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. (Chinese Proverb)
Fool me three times...then what?
Shit, what about four or five times?
Does that make me mentally challenged, a glutton for punishment or a foolish optimist?
Maybe, it's time for me to take the Radiohead off the old iPod.
*Please note, the emotions expressed in this rant have a shelf life of 12 days. When it expires, I will pretend I never felt this way. Please allow me to be in such denial.
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
You know what that tells me about Alfie?
Either he's never been in love.
Or he's only been in love once.
Let me preface this mini-rant by stating that this is not consciously about any particular person (although a therapist after a week's worth of work would determine that it was about a bunch of different people)
I was on the train on the way home and I was thinking about this quote while listening to some Radiohead (probably didn't help) and I came to the conclusion that, while I'm sure it sounded smart at the time, it was a really STUPID concept.
I mean, sure if you've fallen in love once and lost and no matter what the pain was, you can always say you've had the experience of love.
But after the second, third and fourth "lost loves", that outlook goes straight out the fucking window.
The older I get, the more I feel that it's better to have not loved anymore than to have given love another shot to lose me again.
Seriously, after a couple of stabs at it, do you feel any better about it?
Do you feel like you're getting somewhere?
Do I feel like a better person for having loved and lost more than once? Yes and no.
Yes, I know more about what it means to be a human being and I know more about relationships and women and emotions than I ever would have.
But I also know more about pain and loss and irrational thought than your average Star Trek geek attends conferences every year and lives in his mother's basement (well, maybe not irrational thought).
Lucky them. They couldn't holodeck the emotions attached with multiple lost loves.
One and done would have been good enough for me.
There's another saying...
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. (Chinese Proverb)
Fool me three times...then what?
Shit, what about four or five times?
Does that make me mentally challenged, a glutton for punishment or a foolish optimist?
Maybe, it's time for me to take the Radiohead off the old iPod.
*Please note, the emotions expressed in this rant have a shelf life of 12 days. When it expires, I will pretend I never felt this way. Please allow me to be in such denial.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
A Batman movie for people who know Batman
The movie wasn't perfect but it was GREAT. 3 and 3/4 stars out of 4.
If you wanna read my comments, you're gonna have to highlight them as to not ruin the movie for anyone who saw it.
Start Comments--->
* Throughout the entire movie, I could envision Nolan saying to Goyer "well, how does he know this?", "How does he get away with this?". This is a Batman movie written by a guy who reads a lot of Batman comics and a non-comic fan trying to make sense of it all.
* Bale was perfect as Bruce Wayne/Batman...especially Bruce Wayne. His voice as Batman wouldn't have bugged me as much if I had never heard Kevin Conray on B:TAS.
* I loved that Nolan/Goyer were able to make Scarecrow a badass that the comics and cartoons have failed to do so many times. The scenes of people under the influence of the toxin were perfectly realized ESPECIALLY when Batman put Scarecrow under the gas and he saw Batman. "Dr. Crane isn't in right now..." Cillian Murphy was great.
* Katie Holmes didn't bother me as much as she did other people. She served her purpose. It didn't even bother me that Bruce told her he was Batman considering he didn't know if he was going to live or not. This isn't extremely confident Batman...this is I-don't-know-if-this-is-gonna-work Batman.
* When I was growing up, one of the things that always bugged me was the fact that Lucius Fox DIDN'T know Bruce Wayne was Batman. I mean he's out there outfitted in Waynetech EVERYTHING. So I'm glad Nolan killed that by involving Fox.
* Caine was perfect as Alfred providing the right kind of humor to the story and as the last living connection to the Wayne legacy. He reminds me of the B:TAS Alfred.
* The twist of Liam Neeson actually being Ra's Al Ghul. I'll be honest. I didn't see it coming and was like "Whoa". That was great. I'm surprise they were able to keep that secret.
* Oldman as Gordon was great. I didn't think he had it in him to be so restrained. I'm glad that Nolan/Goyer emphasized the importance of that alliance.
* The calling card at the end. Perfect.
* I loved that they used the calling the Bats scene straight out of Batman: Year One.
* I also appreciated that not a lot of the Gothamites actually saw Batman. He's supposed to be an urban legend that people don't think exist
I hope Nolan stays on to direct the sequels because I wouldn't want anyone else touching this property
If you wanna read my comments, you're gonna have to highlight them as to not ruin the movie for anyone who saw it.
Start Comments--->
* Throughout the entire movie, I could envision Nolan saying to Goyer "well, how does he know this?", "How does he get away with this?". This is a Batman movie written by a guy who reads a lot of Batman comics and a non-comic fan trying to make sense of it all.
* Bale was perfect as Bruce Wayne/Batman...especially Bruce Wayne. His voice as Batman wouldn't have bugged me as much if I had never heard Kevin Conray on B:TAS.
* I loved that Nolan/Goyer were able to make Scarecrow a badass that the comics and cartoons have failed to do so many times. The scenes of people under the influence of the toxin were perfectly realized ESPECIALLY when Batman put Scarecrow under the gas and he saw Batman. "Dr. Crane isn't in right now..." Cillian Murphy was great.
* Katie Holmes didn't bother me as much as she did other people. She served her purpose. It didn't even bother me that Bruce told her he was Batman considering he didn't know if he was going to live or not. This isn't extremely confident Batman...this is I-don't-know-if-this-is-gonna-work Batman.
* When I was growing up, one of the things that always bugged me was the fact that Lucius Fox DIDN'T know Bruce Wayne was Batman. I mean he's out there outfitted in Waynetech EVERYTHING. So I'm glad Nolan killed that by involving Fox.
* Caine was perfect as Alfred providing the right kind of humor to the story and as the last living connection to the Wayne legacy. He reminds me of the B:TAS Alfred.
* The twist of Liam Neeson actually being Ra's Al Ghul. I'll be honest. I didn't see it coming and was like "Whoa". That was great. I'm surprise they were able to keep that secret.
* Oldman as Gordon was great. I didn't think he had it in him to be so restrained. I'm glad that Nolan/Goyer emphasized the importance of that alliance.
* The calling card at the end. Perfect.
* I loved that they used the calling the Bats scene straight out of Batman: Year One.
* I also appreciated that not a lot of the Gothamites actually saw Batman. He's supposed to be an urban legend that people don't think exist
I hope Nolan stays on to direct the sequels because I wouldn't want anyone else touching this property
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
ESM
I think I'm an emotional sadomasochist.
I seem to intentionally put myself in position that I know will only cause me pain.
I don't know why.
I'm not learning any life lessons.
I'm not getting any better at taking it.
It's like getting myself punched in the stomach, taking a day or two to feel better, then getting myself punched again.
Anyone know a good therapist?
I seem to intentionally put myself in position that I know will only cause me pain.
I don't know why.
I'm not learning any life lessons.
I'm not getting any better at taking it.
It's like getting myself punched in the stomach, taking a day or two to feel better, then getting myself punched again.
Anyone know a good therapist?
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Rip Van Drinkle Strikes Again!
OK, so as I said in my Cons section, I have an issue with falling asleep after indulging myself in one too many libations.
This Saturday, after moving boxes into my apartment all week, went to someone's birthday party...drank a lot really fast, sat down in a hot ass room and was down for the count until it was time to leave.
Of course, I kept hearing people "Wake up, Mel.", "Damn, you stay asleep", "C'mon get up!"
To hell with y'all.
Lemme break it down for you.
My body has an auto-shutdown mode.
If I drink too much and it looks like I am a drink from embarrassing myself, my body automatically starts to shut down. I sit down, fall asleep, and when it's time to go it's like my body has rebooted.
If you want to make fun of me or embarrass me because I found a comfortable spot to take a nap, that's your prerogative.
But I'd rather be the guy who fell asleep at the party then the guy who threw up on the couch, passed out on the floor, pissed in the sink or fell asleep in the bathtub.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Handicapping oneself
So I was thinking on the train (one of my last LIRR rides home for awhile) about my pros and cons...what I bring to the relationship table and what I don't (don''t ask me why...half the weird shit I write I think of on the train...oh no...is my productivity going to slip now?). Anyway, here's what I came up with intially. There will be modesty and egotism spread throughout.
Positives
Neutral
Positives
- I am employed
- I do have a college degree (NYU)
- Smart, witty guy
- Not fat
- Reads books
- Great memory (birthdays, anniversaries, "firsts")
- Can speak intelligently on certain topics
- No longer lives with parents
- Emotionally available
- Very perceptive regarding women's double speak
- Very friendly (once comfortable)
- Well-liked by other people's mothers
- Sign: Cancer (not the momma's boy type)
- Likes a wide variety of music and movies
- I am not doing what I want to be doing with my life
- May not actually know what I want to do with my life
- Has a psychology degree
- Not necessarily "booksmart", more like Cliff Claven from Cheers-smart; actually more like MTV Remote Control-smart
- Extremely argumentative; do not like to lose argument; will concede "a draw"
- Great memory only used for evil (ex. will use your own words against you in an argument, can remember what you were wearing, what tone you used and the look on your face when you said it; selectively forgets own words and actions)
- Watches entirely too much television
- Topics I can speak intelligently on: TV shows, movies, comic books, The Yankees (85-current), Knicks (90-current)
- Knows nothing about cars (including, makes, models or repair)
- Not in shape
- Can't cook
- Picky eater (don't eat most fruits and vegetables)
- Emotionally draining
- Less tolerant of women's double speak than a guy who has no idea the hell she is talking about
- Hypocritical
- Haven't been to the doctor in almost 10 years, could be dying
- When uncomfortable, extremely anti-social
- Falls asleep anywhere when I've had too much to drink
- Your mother will bring me up well after the relationship has ended
- Very sardonic, a bit of a hater, sometimes condescending (or so I've been told)
- Sign: Cancer (the sensitive/moody type)
- Probably on the RIAA/MPAA hitlist
- I mumble...alot
Neutral
- Reads and spends lots of money on comic books/graphic novels; will argue relevance in the world of art and literature to the bitter end.
- Really good at "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"
- Middle ground in the looks department, not ugly, but not stop in your tracks attractive, takes very deceptively attractive photos if given prep time.
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