Vehicular Homicide

"It's that same vibe you get with any auto mechanic you've ever dealt with. Even though you're listening and nodding, in you're head you're like, this guy is fucking me big time. You just believe whatever they say. They're like, 'Yeah, we had to replace the roof on your car, it was peeling back. It resented the rest of your car, so we replaced that. Also, there was a tiny Unicorn in you're exhaust, and it was jumping and poking holes in your exhaust. And he was shitting in your filters as well. So we had to get that out of there.' Wow, thank you very much. I did not know that there was a tiny mythological animal jumping around in there, that's very dangerous. Shitting in filters, no way! Especially with a road trip coming up, that's very dangerous. Shitting in filters; that little son of a B. Wow. Wow! How much is that gonna ... seven thousand. I was going to suggest, I'd like to pay seven thousandish. I'd love to pay for that. Thank you for not fucking me big time."
-- Dane Cook

I was going to get into a long story about how I ended up paying $600 to fix a car I drive mainly to park from one side of the street to the other so I could pass inspection so I didn't get a $50 ticket...and how having a car is like having a child who grows up to be Gator from Jungle Fever always looking for some more money...and how this has basically killed my summer before it began but I just don't have the energy anymore.

If you want to get me something for my birthday, buy my car from me.