The Commitment Lot

Now, I am not one of those guys who have commitment issues.

Actually, I am the exact opposite. I am pro-commitment.

I don't understand people who have commitment issues.

Until today...

I was at the parking lot of Walmart driving around looking for a good spot.

When I thought I found one, I parked and started walking towards the store.

And of course, there were at least three spots that opened up the second I parked.

I was annoyed but I let it go.

Then I went to IKEA and the same thing happened.

This time, it was the PRIME spot that opened up after I parked.

I screamed "DAMNIT" like I was Jack Bauer.

Then I was like, "ooooohh, now I get it."

Pet Peeve #567

When doors you have to push have pull handles on them.

I hate that shit!

Being Bobby Brown: Television Gold

There will never be equality between men and women

You know why?

Because there are no $10 clothing stores for men.

Because a pair of shoes that costs a dude $10 looks like it cost $5.

It's just not right.

'Die Hard': The Greatest Action Movie of All-Time

A hundred million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

"Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."

Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.

All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.

Sister Teresa called me Mr McClane in the Third Grade. My friends call me John... and you're neither shithead

Welcome to the party pal.

What was it you said to me earlier? "Yippie-kay-ya, motherfucker."