i love it when...

...I'm on the train and an attractive woman comes on and she gives me a positive "oh he's kinda cute" look...

...then I reach into my bookbag and pull out a Batman comic.

I can almost feel the points be subtracted...

I keep it real.

(Although in my greatest train fantasy, she would say "Excuse me, is that the new issue?)

I don't know how I feel about this...

Amsterdammit!

How come if you tell someone you are going to Amsterdam for a week they make certain assumptions about you?

"Amsterdam, huh? I know what you are going to do."

Screw you, I have friends over there that I would like to visit.

I feel like I'm going to come back to work and have to take a piss test.

That's why if anyone asks, I'm going to England or Europe.

Thank God no one reads this thing.

Rebound Pope?

Let me get this straight

Pope John Paul died at the age of 84

Pope Benedict is already 78.

That sounds like a term limit to me.

Did they give this guy a physical?

It seems to me that they were in there like "Our relationship with John Paul lasted so long. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment right now. Let's pick John. Sounds like he had a pretty bad cough in the bathroom."

Dear Drunk White Sports Fan...

Don't touch a big black guy unless you want to fight...

It doesn't matter how much money he makes.

The same rules that apply in bars and clubs apply in the stands

I don't care if it's Gary Sheffield, Ron Artest or Ahmad Rashad.

Don't believe me?

Swing on Al Roker while he's doing the weather outside for the Today show.

Watch what happens