This is Bush's Brain...

This is Bush's Brain on drugs...

Happy 6th Birthday, Melanism.com!

That's right, March 29th, 2001, I got this whole show on the road

Before there was Blogger and Wordpress, I was doing this with old fashion HTML coding (which is why I still have those old posts saved).

I was talking to Bill about this on AIM and we was like isn't it depressing to go back and read the old crap.

Initially I thought it would be but after combing through them, it wasn't at all.

I'm not an ambitious man (Ladies, the line forms around the corner) so there weren't posts about dreams I had that six years later are still unfulfilled.

Nope, I just posted about random bullshit, movies, TV shows, sports, and the occasional video game.

The only concrete goals I set for myself was to get an apartment and to get over a couple of women.

So in that respect...

I think the only sad thing is how many people USED TO read my blog and now I'm down to about 4-5 people.

What a life I lead.

Lost Season Three: "Exposé"

“I’m just a guest-star… and we all know what happens to guest stars.” Indeed, Nikki. Indeed.

What I Liked:

• Hate her or love her, Nikki is hot and now my dreams of a free fall mud wrestling match between her, Kate and Sun have been dashed (although I may be getting a consolation prize next week)
• Boone! Shannon! Arzt! Ethan! Even Vincent!
• This was probably the best written stand alone episode
• All the throwbacks to season one like Boone running around looking for a pen, Arzt being a dick, where Kate found the guns.
• Nikki asking Paulo to promise we won't end up lik Boone and Shannon.
• Sun finally finding out about her fake Others kidnapping
• Nikki's Baywatch/V.I.P-ish show, Exposé (or as Hurley refers to it, "Only the most awesome hour of television ever!") with a cameo by Billy Dee Williams! "Razzle-dazzle!"
• That Paulo found all the shit on the island (the plane, the Pearl hatch, even heard Ben and Juliet's plan for Jack) but was so selfishly focused on finding the diamonds, he kept it to himself.
• The Tales From The Crypt/Twilight Zone ending with "Paulo lies"="Para...lyzed", Medusa spiders and Nikki opening her eyes as she was being buried.

What I Didn't Like:

• This episode is kind of annoying because after all the revelations of The Man From Tallahassee, you just want that story to keep going.
• While I enjoyed the episode, is that really it for Nikki and Paulo?
• Shannon and Boone's awful wigs.
• That the commercial for the episode ruined the entire scene with Sun confronting Sawyer.

What We Learned:

• Nikki was an actress who was working on a show Expose directed by some Aaron Sorkin-esque old guy in Sydney
• Paulo was a chef ("The Wolfgang Puck of Brazil")
• Paulo poisoned the old guy and Nikki and Paulo steal millions of dollars in diamonds
• Arzt was spending his pre-blown up island time cataloging new insect species including the Medusa Spider.

Questions:

• Was it the pheromones of the Medusa Spider that brought all the other spiders out to bite Nikki or was it the smoke monster who could be heard in the background?
• Was Paulo really hiding those diamonds to maintain his relationship with Nikki?
• Was Vincent trying to let everyone know they were still alive?
• How many more people are going to die because there isn't an actual doctor on the beach?
• What was a movie producer doing with millions of dollars worth of diamonds anyway?
• Was this the plan all along for Nikki and Paulo or did the writers cave to the negative reaction their addition to the cast brought?
• Is Charlie's confession to Sun the beginning of tying up all his loose ends before he is killed?
• Is Locke right? Does nothing on this island stay buried for very long?

The Fourth Lowest Form Of Life

Right after murderers, rapists and child molesters* I place people who talk during movies in their outside voice.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

I went to a free screening of The Lookout and I sat second to last row. This group of friends enter split up into to two row so they can sit together. Their conversation before the movie started had me Lord Concernicus of the province of Concernia but I prayed that once the movie started they would calm down and watch.

No.

Didn't happen.

Throughout the entire movie they were commenting, making loud gasps, flat out having conversation during the movie.

Now, if this were a comedy or a horror movie, I would have found this slightly tolerable but it wasn't. It was a noir/crime film and these people were interacting with the screen like little kids interact with a Dora the Explorer episode.

I am usually a patient person. I can count the times I shushed someone in a movie on one hand. Usually, the look back is enough.

I "Shh"-ed these people 3-4 times which would make them whisper for like 3 minutes until they started up again.

I was seething. Mostly because this was a good movie and I couldn't enjoy it. I wanted to just scream "WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!?!" but that never works. It always turns into a argument which never results in the person taking your advice.

I just wanted to make it to the end of the movie.

What part of the collective gene pool did these kind of people come from? How were the socialized that they think that everyone wants to hear them carry on a conversation with the person on the screen?

They should be all taken out to the back of the theater and beaten with a rock so they can't pass these traits down to the next generation.

* Obviously, I'm exaggerating on their standings in the list of depraved acts but it's definitely in the top 10.

Movie of the Week: The Lookout

Between this and Brick, Joseph Gordon-Levitt has become a force to be reckoned with.

I can see this movie being compared to Memento because the main character, Chris, is mentally and emotionally handicapped after a car accident and how he overcomes his handicap plays prominently into the outcome of the heist.

It's a pretty straightforward noir/heist that goes wrong flim but it really carried by Gordon-Levitt's performance. Who would have thought this would be the breakout star from 3rd Rock From The Sun. I would consider seeing anything he is in at this point.

Also, Jeff Daniels was funny as Chris' blind roommate, Lewis.

This is a great first film by Scott Frank (he wrote the screenplays for two of my favorite films, Get Shorty and Out of Sight, both adaptations of Elmore Leonard novels). The only problem with the movie is the too neatly wrapped up ending but it is definately worth checking out.

24 Season Six: 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Body count: 14

I think there was a gas leak in the writer's room this year.

Before I get into my recap, let me go on record that this is the worst season of 24 and regret that I chose this season to blog about. I tried to defend this season as long as I could but we are past the halfway mark and the episodes seem to be getting more and more unwatchable and it doesn't feel like we are building towards anything. Anyway, I'm praying that they turn this season around but I think we have crossed the point of no return.

Jack, Brian Krakow and Timmy! Save The Day

I'll show you Angela! I'll show EVERYONE!!!

Are we serious here? Apparently years after Brian Krakow was rejected by Angela on My So-Called Life, he turned to a life of selling out America to Russian terrorists with the help of his autistic brother who doesn't like red foods (Seriously, Who the fuck came up with that one?). Anyway, Krakow gets himself shot by Jack and another CTU agent who again missed his "taking prisoners" training. Jack then gets this autistic guy to trust him by telling him he's a cop (a cop who just shot your brother in front of you). Then he gets Krakow to get his autistic brother to help trap Gredenko. I almost wish he got shot so Jack would have that on his conscious too. The best part is when Jack tells Brady (the autistic guy) through the com link in his ear to a) pretend you can't hear me and b) duck when I tell you to because the actor is so engrossed in his role he decides that Brady would spend too much time grappling with A to do B. Also, I thought Jack had broken ribs? He ran across the street and shot that Russian pretty quickly. And who knew CTU had tranquilizers? I just thought they shot everyone and hoped they didn't die before getting the information they needed. Anyway, they got Gredenko and guess what? He wants a deal to help them catch Fayed.

One CTU Life To Live
So Nadia wasn't a mole. She now transfers from the list to CTU moles to the list of people accused of being moles at CTU. Silver Spoons to exonerate her from another friend, Johnson, who he helped out in "Denver" (every episode featuring Silver Spoons has had a mention to Denver and it only gets more annoying) but that friend tries to screw him over with Milo. Silver Spoons threatens Johnson who will probably be the victim of some friendly fire by season's end. I'm sorry, Silver Spoons is not threatening. Anyway, Milo tries to mend bridges with Nadia so he still has a chance to sleep with her. She tries to reject him and he awkwardly grabs the back of her hair violently (I'm sure they were going for passionate), pauses for a second and kisses her THEN apologizes for thinking she was guilty. I'm sorry, Milo and Nadia, but you are no Tony Almeida and Michelle Dressler.

Coma? What Coma?
So Daniels is intent on launching a nuclear weapon at the unnamed Middle East county that Fayed is from. So Karen Hayes conspires with Sandra Palmer (she's back1 Regina, fire your agent) to force Baby Palmer out of his coma which could lead to permanent brain damage so he could stop a nuclear attack right now. so what if he woke up, stopped the launch, then started drooling uncontrollably and made Daniels President for good? Well, it didn't come to that because in ten minutes they were able to wake up Wayne, get him up to speed on the situation and stop the attack. He was more decisive coming out of the coma than he was before he was almost blown up. So next week begins another Palmer tradition: being called unfit by your Vice President.

Bauer Moments To Remember: None

Buy Melanism's Favorite Movie of 2006 today

Read my original review

Movie of the Week: First Snow

I really wanted to like this movie but alas, I could not.


Guy Pearce was great. He's always great that couldn't save this drivel.

Once Jimmy (Pearce) finds out that he is destined to die before the "first snow" ends by a fortune teller (J.K. Simmons), the movie picks up the pace a little bit but eventually all of Jimmy's paranoid actions get confusing and boring even though you can tell that the director, Mark Fergus, was going for tense and mysterious.

The end was as anti-climatic as the end of a movie could possibly be.

Everyone who complained that the end of Children of Men was anti-climatic needs to sit through this and apologize to Cuaron.

Thank God this was a free screening.

Lost Season Three: "The Man From Tallahassee"

If I were Jack, I would have snatched the first gun in arms length and bullet between Locke's eyes.

What I Liked

• The interaction between Ben and Locke. Ben kept trying to mess with his head and Locke was done talking. He could give a shit about what Ben said, magic box, submarine, he was intent on blowing up that sub (Best exchange: Ben - "On this island, there's a very large box, and whatever you imagine ... when you open that box, there it would be. What would you say about that?" Locke - "I'd say I hope that box is big enough to imagine yourself up a new submarine.")Too bad it played right into Ben's hands.
• Sayid finally hinting to Alex that maybe her mother isn't dead and all is not as it seems
• I know people hate the whole Jack-Kate-Sawyer thing but the scenes between Kate and Jack were great as well as the jealous looks from Juliet and Kate.
• Locke's backstory finally revealed that which we've been wondering since "Walkabout" in the first season
• How Locke got paralyzed. I assumed that his father hit him with a car or something but damn, that guy is cold blooded like Rick James.

What I Didn't Like:

• Is it too late to recast the girl playing Alex? She's awful. I hope there's not too much asked of her this season acting-wise.
• After spending the first 7 episodes with three 815ers captured by the Others, now we have four.
• You think Kate after being captured already would have figured that there is not one inch of Othersville that didn't have a camera
• Except Ben's house. You think your LEADER would have a camera in his room.

What We Learned:

• After getting his kidney stolen and ruining his hippie pot farm, John Locke was on disability
• Peter Talbot, the son of a woman Adam Seward (a.k.a. Anthony Cooper a.k.a. Papa Locke), was planning to marry came to Locke to to a little fact checking on him. Locke denied knowing him.
• Locke confronted his father and told him if he didn't leave behind his plan to con this old rich lady out of her money, he would spill the beans.
• The cops show up and tell Locke that Peter is dead.
• Locke goes to confront Cooper about Peter when he says he had nothing to do with it and that the wedding with Mama Moneybags if off. Locke goes to call the old lady to confirm and Cooper PUSHES LOCKE OUT OF AN EIGHT STORY WINDOW. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Locke as paralyzed.
• Jack struck a deal with Ben to take the last submarine ride off the island with Juliet.
• Ben is one of the few people who were born on the island
• Ben is concerned about his perception amongst his fellow Others
• Ben can't figure out why the island cured Locke and not him.
• If the submarine had left, it would not have been able to return due to the beacon being ruined after the Hatch imploded?

Questions:

• What was Locke's motivation for blowing up the sub and essentially trapping EVERYONE on the island? Does he really not want to leave and wants company?
• Was that really Locke's father in the room or was it a manifestation of the "Magic Box"?
• Is there really a "Magic Box" or was that a metaphor?
• Was Jack really planning on sending back help for the other 815ers?
• Has Jack been brainwashed?
  
• Is Richard (the guy who took Locke and Ben to the room with Cooper and the guy who recruited Juliet) more trusted than the other...um...Others?
• How will The Others who were under the illusion that they could leave whenever they wanted to react to the destruction of their own means of departure?
• Who and where are Ben's parents?
• Is Cooper the same con man that conned Sawyer's family, which I guess would make him "Sawyer Prime" or "The Original Sawyer"?
• If the "Magic Box" is real, is it connected to the smoke monster or the unexplained things 815ers have been seeing (Jack's dad, Kate's horse, Eko's brother)?
• If the Magic Box is real, is Cooper the best they could do?
• Will Locke join the Others too? Who are we kidding? Locke will do whatever Ben wants him to do like he's Dracula.

Greatest Opening To A Television Show Ever

My Favorite CD Right Now

I can't wait for Killer Buzz!

24 Season Six: 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM

Body Count: 12

Even though this is probably the worst season of 24 ever, there is one bright spot...

AUDREY RAINES IS DEAD!

I AM SO HAPPY!!!

Nothing against Kim Raver because I liked her in The Nine but I hated Audrey Raines.

"Jack I know you are on your way to save
the world but I think now is the best time
to talk about our feelings."

Anyway, on to the episode...

First of all, Milo, stop making googly eyes at my woman! Nadia doesn't want you. Besides she may be the seventh CTU mole in...six seasons. I love how everyone presumes that Milo is acting right because he's had some more alcohol (which Chloe disproved by laying one on him( but either a) Silver Spoons choked some sense into him or b) he's the real mole and just set up Nadia. He's the only one aside from Chloe with the skills to do it.

I don't understand why Jack is mad that no one told him Audrey was dead. When, Jack? When were they going to tell you? Right before you were going to sacrifice your life? "Hey Jack, before you get out the car and probably get killed, you should know Audrey died in China looking for you. Ok. See ya later." I shouldn't be mad. At least I got to SEE Jack. The producers are really screwing the pooch with this Jack-less season. This is like watching a Superman movie but we spend more time with Lois Lane and The Daily Planet and not even Lex Luthor but Otis and Miss Teschmacher . Actually, that's kinda what Superman Returns was like.

So Audrey's dead but Marilyn wastes no time going in for the kill. Jack dodged that kiss like a direct order from Division.

While in the Presidential bunker (do they really need to be in there? They know all the nukes are in California. It must smell in there.), Vice President Daniels must have dreamed his entire life what it would be like to have his finger on the button. Well, he's not going to let anyone ruin this dream for him. Not the Dragonslayer. Not Karen "Conservative Monkey Wrench" Hayes. Not Jack Bauer averting yet another nuclear explosion with his fancy Atari skills (I bet he could land the plane in Top Gun on the NES. I always sucked at that.). He is going to nuke that unnamed country no matter what. Time to wake up Baby Palmer. What's the point of waking him up? He'll wake up, say "no" to the nuke then fall into a coma giving Daniels complete control.

Bauer Moments To Remember: NONE (He only had 10 minutes of screen time to work with)

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End trailer

Hopefully this is better than Dead Man's Chest...

Lost Season Three: "Par Avion"

Touchdown!

What I Liked:

• Claire's backstory which confirms something which many of us have suspected for a long-time.
  
• Charlie stares at Desmond like the harbinger of death
• We're already at the Others' camp
• Locke's increasingly bizarre behavior
• Mikhail's grisly death
• Another reference to "The List"

What I Didn't Like:

• Now that Sawyer can't say nicknames, is he just going to keep quiet?
• The backstory took up too much of the episode
• I didn't really understand why Desmond prevented Claire, Sun and Jin from catching the birds

What We Learned:

• Claire used to be a goth girl who worked a tattoo parlor
• She caused a car accident that left her mother with severe head trauma that left her in a coma
• Christian Shepard is Claire's father
• Sayid and Kate are definately not on "The List". Locke, maybe.
• Mikhail was recruited by a "great man"
• Mikhail got to the island via submarine
  
• Ben is not at the top of The Others food chain
  
• Since the Hatch imploded, the underwater beacon that allowed the Others to take the submarine out and return doesn't work
• Despite Dr. Shepard's words, Claire couldn't pull the plug on her mother and she's still hooked up to machines
• The 815ers have been on the island for 80 days.
• Locke did know about the C4 in the farm and took one for himself.
  

Questions:

• How are Sayid, Kate, Danielle and Locke planning to get back over the pylons?
• Is Locke on "The List"?
• What happened between the time Locke entered 77 on the computer in the last episode and the farm blowing up?
• What was Mikhail going to say to Locke before he was interrupted ("The John Locke I know was par—.")?
• Do the Others know that Claire and Jack are half-siblings?
• What is The Others' policy on being taken prisoner that makes them rather death?
• Who is the real leader of The Others? Jacob?
• What happened to Jack to make him all buddy buddy with The Others now?
• How many more backstory's is Dr. Christian Shepard going to appear in? (So far, he 's connected to Claire, Sawyer and Ana Lucia)
  
• Seriously, what the fuck is up with Locke?
  

24 Season Six: 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM

Body count: 10

We finally reach double digits.

There's A New Sheriff In Town
Vice President Cy Tolliver has been President for a little over an hour and he's already a better President than Baby Palmer. Sure, he's dirty for framing Assad for the assassination attempt against Baby Palmer and then threating war against the unnamed country, but damn he is scary.


I'm still talking!
CTU & Silver Spoons
Nice to see Chloe being a bitch again even if it was to ex-President Logan. Enter Silver Spoons. He was immediately a dick especially to Milo. I wonder what happened in Denver. I didn't like him...until he choked Morris.

A Visit To Crazy Town
Super Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce returns...as First Lady Martha Logan's lover. I didn't need to know all that. I never want to see her feed him anything. Seriously, how did Jean Smart not win the Outstanding Supporting Actress Emmy? Anyway, I digress. How did Logan was best friends with the Russian president's wife, Anya, if they haven't spoken in two years? When Martha was talking to Logan about her and Aaron, she was two seconds away from saying, "Aaron has a bigger penis than you do, Charles. What do you think about that?" I swear that I had just written down via IM, "Martha looks like she could slit Logan's throat at any moment". Well, I was off by a couple of inches.

Adventures At The Russian Consulate
The biggest weakness of this season of 24 is there hasn't been enough Jack. Clearly, the Russians did not read Jack Bauer's file if they thought putting one guard on Bauer would be enough to contain him. Somehow, I don't think when the Russian president gave CTU permission to storm the consulate that he was giving Silver Spoon and crew the right to kill EVERY SINGLE RUSSIAN WHO WORKED THERE. Anyway, they freed Jack and now they know where to find Gredanko and Fayeed but guess what, too late!

Bauer Moments To Remember

• Before Vaseli could kill him, he takes the belt of a dead man, flings it up around Vaseli's wrist and gets the gum away from him

Californication

"A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in."
- Robert Orben

I needed a little vacation from work and cold New York so I went to Los Angeles.

I stayed with Tabitha and Sherman who drove me around, made me tons of vegan cupcakes and made me jealous of their various Macs;

We went hiking. Once. It was fucking hot.

Before I left, I e-mailed my friend Angie, who works on Scrubs, to see if we could get lunch or something. Unfortunately, she was too busy to even leave so she invited me to come to the set...

They were shooting offsite so the entire place was empty except for the writers, assistants and random folks. The entire hospital serves as the set for the show so we saw Carla and Turk's apartment, Coffee Bucks, the bar, Elliot's apartment.

Even got to see Angie for a little longer than she promised...

Tabitha and I also went to the place where they were shooting at but they JUST broke for lunch when we got there. So I only saw them shoot one scene and then we snagged some free catered lunch. Before I left, I wanted a photo with Braff who was the only regular cast member shooting at the time. When I asked him, he was sitting down. Then he stood up...

Then I saw 300 at IMAX with my friend Erika before I left.

It was warm the whole time and snowed in New York while I was gone.

All and all, a good trip.

This was the first time I actually would consider moving to Los Angeles.

It helps that I went during winter.

Thanks Tabitha, Sherman, Ang and Erika for showing me a good time.

I Love Tracy Morgan

DAMNIT!

Isiah Thomas has shown enough "evident progress" to earn a multiyear contract extension, several New York-area newspapers reported Monday.

The New York Times, citing a person "briefed on the matter," says Thomas will sign the new deal to remain both team president and head coach on Monday. The Knicks are 29-34, but are in the hunt for their first playoff berth since 2004.

Movie of the Week: 300 - The IMAX Experience

This movie is every teenage boy’s wet dream for a film.

Comic/Video game style violence…check
Beautiful women…check
Nudity and sex…check

Even though some of the dialogue is laughable (Frank Miller’s words were meant to be read, not spoken) and the fact that 75% of the dialogue is yelled, you can’t help but get a charge watching this movie. People who read Frank Miller and Lynn Varley’s original graphic novel will appreciate this movie much more than your average movie goer (which is why most major reviewers are calling this movie ‘shit’ and all comic book related websites are calling this a classic).

The battles are extremely well-done and BEAUTIFUL on the big IMAX screen (Frankly, consdering that most of the movie is fighting, it is really worth the extra 4-5 bucks for IMAX). Even though you ultimately know the end (Spoiler alert: they lose), Snyder still manages to create tension.

If you want them to be there can be racial undertones of a perfect white army crushing all the brown and yellow people or political undertones with the scenes of the Queen trying to negotiate with the counsel, but I chose to ignore them.

I have to admit that I was thrilled seeing Dominic West (McNulty from The Wire) doing a movie…ANY movie especially as a villain. And it’s a testament to how good he was that his final scene drew the most crowd reaction.

Gerard Butler and Lena Hedley were great as King Leonidas and Queen Gorgo but man, Butler’s throat must have been killing him after they were finished filming.

Ultimately, this succeeds as another good example of a movie using a graphic novel not only as inspiration but also as a storyboard.

I have more faith now than I did before in Snyder’s attempt to bring Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen to the big screen.

Lost Season Three: "Enter 77"

Are you happy? Some answers…wait no, those might have been lies. So I guess more questions.

What I Liked:

• Sayid is still the biggest badass on the island
• His flashback, while good, was kept short. I hope that is a sign for the future as we are running out of things to learn about these castaways.
• Sawyer asking Nikki, “Who the hell are you?”
• The introduction of Mikhail, the newest Other
• We learned more about the Others in this episode than in episodes featuring the Others
• The return and exit of Ms. Klugh

What I Didn’t Like:

• As much as I enjoyed Sawyer getting whooped by Hurley in ping-pong, considering how many episodes actually constitutes a week on this show, I don’t think I can go the rest of the season without a Sawyer nickname
• Nikki and Paulo were given lines. I know once we get their flashbacks I will be more interested in them but right now, they are the new Shannon and Boone.
• Since when is Locke an idiot? Didn’t he watch War Games? Talking computers are not to be messed with.

What We Learned:

• Sayid was a chef under the name Najeem in France where he was kidnapped by the family of one of the women he tortured
• There was a war between the Others/Hostiles and Dharma and it appears the Others won
• There is power cables running throughout the island
• The Flame station was for communications and they lost communications via satellite and sonar after the Hatch imploded.
• Hurley is a great ping-pong player due to his time spent in an institution
• Paulo likes to flag magazines
• It is likely that Kate’s horse came from the Flame Station or the Othersville.
• It sucks to be an African-American cast member
• Like most average Americans over the age of 40, Locke should not be trusted with a computer

Questions:

• How much of Mikhail’s story is actually true in reference to what happened to the Dharma group?
• Was Danielle really just hiding out in the forest or was she up to something else?
• Why did Ms. Klugh tell Mikhail to shoot her?
• Since Locke entered 77 into the computer, is the Dharma Initiative now aware that their hatches have been compromised?
• What was the Dharma Initiative’s true purpose?
• How long have the Others been on the island?
• Is the cat Nadia the only animal that survived the explosion?
• Does Sayid now understand why Jack always hates going into the forest with Locke?

24 Season Six: 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM

Body count: 7

This season is going to have the lowest body count in 24 history. No wonder fans are unhappy.

Boom in the Presidential Bunker:
Another year, another fairly successful assassination attempt. Assad’s dead and who is surprised? Baby Palmer isn’t and, again, who is surprised? I immediately liked the forcefulness that Powers Boothe brings as the acting president but as the producers sense that maybe we might like this guy over Baby Palmer, he immediately wants to frame Assad for Palmer’s assassination. Didn’t they have security camera in EVERY room? I mean, they WERE keeping the President of the United States there. And how naïve was Reed? You just clocked this guy over his head with a flashlight when he was getting ready to betray you but you have faith he will play ball now that the deed is done? I’m glad Lennox waited about 15 seconds to turn them in.

CTU2D2
They really are dependent on Jack, aren’t they? How did they function while he was in prison? Oh yeah, I forgot. That’s why they brought him back. Nice to see Karen Hayes caught with flight delays. They really didn’t do jack squat. They were just waiting for Jack to do something so they could react like, him getting caught by the Russian guards. Nice to see Buchanan take a play out of the Bauer handbook. WWJBD? Let’s not go through the proper channels. Let’s assemble a team to extract Jack from Russian territory. At least we were spared from Morris’ incessant whining.

Jack and Logan Sitting In A Limo
Where did Jack get that suit? I’m glad President Logan reminded Jack, “Hey, didn’t you just get back from a two year stint in a Chinese prison for doing the same thing? What are you an idiot?” I’m going to stop doing a kill count and start doing a torture count. You know what occurred to me? Jack Bauer has not been a paid employee of the U.S. government since the end of season four. Wasn’t that like 3-4 years ago in their world? What kind of pro bono work is this? So we FINALLY get a sense of Gredanko’s plan: Unmanned aerial drones with the nukes. Nice. I like a little originality. Now that jack has been captured, does anyone remember that President Douchebag is sitting in that limo by himself?

Bauer Moments To Remember:

• Jack cut off the Russian diplomats pinky finger with a cigar cutter. Who says torture doesn’t work?

Lost Season Three: "Trisha Tanaka Is Dead"

Apparently the producers of Lost thought Little Miss Sunshine should have won best picture.

What I Liked:

• The return of Vincent, Randy and Danielle Rosseau!
• It's been too long since Lost has some levity. I feel like there hasn't been a laugh since Michael shot Ana-Lucia and Libby
• I missed having Sawyer interact with the rest of the 815ers. He was in rare form:
• Well, look at that. Somebody's hooked on phonics!
• Skeletor seems to like it.
• Nicknames for Charlie (Oliver Twist, the Munchkin, Jiminy Cricket) and Hurley (Snuffy, International House of Pancakes, Jumbotron)
• Hurley's comeback to Sawyer: "Shut up, Red...neck Man!"
• Sawyer teaching Jin the three phrases every married man should know.
• Kate telling Danielle about Alex

What I didn't like:

• Again, ABC's ads overhyped the episode as some big revealing one when it was a fun stand alone.
• No more sweaty Kate (What? Mrs. Reyes isn't the only one with needs)
  

What We Learned:

• Hurley's dad abandoned him and then came back when he won the lotto
• Johnny ran off with Starla from the "Everybody Hates Hurley" episode
• Dharma had a van, gas, light beer and were trying to build a road sometime between the release dates of Rocky II and Rocky III by Hurley's estimation
• A meteor really did destroy the Chicken Shack
• Hurley's dad gave him that fateful chocolate bar that turned him into the man he is today
• Sawyer had mono as a child and all he could watch in the trailer was Little House on the Prairie
  

Questions:

• How many days has passed since the hatch imploded?
• What killed Roger and how long had he been there?
• Why didn't Kate say anything to Alex about Danielle?
• What's Vincent been eating since his two caretakers are gone?