24 Season Six: 11:00am - 12:00pm

Body Count: 2 (sigh...still)

I don't know how much longer I can watch without a Bauer kill

I guess now I have to specify that I mean a JACK Bauer kill as Graham "Bluetooth" Bauer has vicariously added to CTU agents to his own kill count.

Advantage Bluetooth.

And in the bunker, The Dragonslayer adds Karen Hayes to his career kill count.

HAND IN YOUR RESIGNATION, KAREN

I don't understand how Wayne Palmer got elected president with a bad ass like Powers Boothe as his vice president.

We were denied any good Bauer moments has Jack's torture and emasculation of his brother was pretty much kept off camera.

Step it up, people.

Office Space

"The people you work with, are people you were just thrown together with. You don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family, but probably all you've got in common, is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day."
-Tim Canterbury, The Office

So I'm getting dumped again this week.

I've worked about my current place of employment for almost five years.

I've seen people come and go.

The one lesson I've learned over the years is to either not get too attached or get so attached to the point that their departure just means that I will have to make the extra effort to keep in touch with them.

But it's still sucks when people quit.

Not that my job sucks or anything (I've come to believe that anything I do would "suck" because frankly I hate getting out of bed and changing out of our of my pajamas) but working at job you don't love or are dedicated too is like being in a bad relationship with some redeeming qualities like, "The sex isn't great but she likes Lost too" or "I can't stand the sound of her voice but she makes great turkey meatloaf*".

You and everyone you are working with are in the same relationship, dating the same girl and dating each other by default. You go out to bars afterwards or out to lunch together to complain about her but the next day, you're still in the relationship.

But sometimes, yous work boyfriends and girlfriends are seeing other jobs on the side. If you catch them in the act, they say, "Oh, it's not serious." or "We're just friends." But you can see the writing on the wall. They are cheating on you.

The you get the phone call or the e-mail that says "I'm leaving you. It's not you, it's me."** In the back of your mind , or maybe the front, you are hurt because they left before you did. They broke up with the job before you did. You just never got around to it. You were unhappy in this relationship too but having your friend suffering the same fate made it easier to take. Or maybe you are just so comfortable in this relationship and you're too lazy to change.

So you're stuck here with this shitty relationship while your friends go off to their new shitty relationship. If you like the person enough, you promise to have a long-distance relationship. You say you'll call and write and still go out whenever both of you have time but it's never the same.

But if you're lucky, their new girl has a equally attractive twin sister to hook you up with.

I've been offered to be hooked up with many twin sisters and I've half-hearted ventured our into the singles market but I'm still here.

I guess I'm lazy...or none of the other jobs have been that hot.

I have no idea what this post is about by the way.

[Note: By the time I actually got around to finishing this, I got "dumped" again]

* What does this say about what it takes to keep me in a relationship
** Although sometimes the job dumps your friend with a note saying, "It wasn't working out." and you wish it dumped you too.

Be My Netflix Friend

Click this link so I can make fun of your movie preferences, and you mine.

Be Careful What You Ask For

So this Christmas continued an 11 year tradition between my mother and I.

As a child, my mother was notorious for NOT getting me things I asked for. She bought whatever she thought I needed. But say I needed a coat and I wanted a particular brand of coat, it wasn't going to happen. The job of getting me what I asked for always fell to my father.

See, my mother and her cousin (they are about 5 years apart so they are practically sisters) pretty much do all their Christmas shopping at Marshalls. So whatever I got, my brother and that cousin's son (who is close in age and size to both of us) got either the same thing or something so similar that we could trade come Christmas day. For example, say I got a shirt and displayed some displeasure with it, surer than shit, it was going to my cousin that evening when he came over for Christmas dinner.

Anyway, after I went to New York University, as a JOKE, I made an old school Christmas list with pictures and store locations and sent it to my parents via the post office. On that list was a Tommy Hilfiger denim shirt similar to one my brother had. This was when Tommy Hilfiger and Polo was a big deal. Seemed like a harmless request at the time.

So Christmas came and I ACTUALLY got the shirt plus a Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt that was nice too. I was thrilled.

Until next Christmas, when I got a Tommy Hilfiger winter coat and some Tommy Hilfiger socks.

And then the next Christmas when I received some particularly hideous Tommy Hilfiger sneakers.

So yes, every year, despite protests from my brother, my mother manages to get we something Tommy Hilfiger.

Now I'm not talking subtle Tommy Hilfiger where someone might say, "Oh, nice shirt. Who makes that?" No, I'm getting something with a big fat Tommy Hilfiger logo.

So this past Christmas, eleven years after that Christmas list, I open my plastic Marshall grab bag (my mother stopped wrapping our presents years ago and now just hands it to us in the store bag), I got some socks, some workout clothes and some Tommy Hilfiger boxers.

It never fails. It could be worse, I guess.

A Little Geek Moment

So HBO has been showing Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace this month...

First of all, what exactly was "The Phantom Menace"? The other two titles, "Attack of the Clones" and "Revenge of the Sith" made sense but that one was weird.

Anyway, I digress.

Never has one movie been redeemed by one scene than this one is by the fight between the Jedis Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan and Darth Maul.

Not just for the beautiful choreography.

Not just for Darth Maul.

But for the moment after Darth Maul has just killed Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan is standing behind that force field, SEETHING!

Then the field opens and he hops out swinging.

I can't remember a scene in a movie where there was about to be a fight and one of the guys through his facial expression and tense moments said...no...screamed:

I am going to FUCK YOU UP!!!

I can watch this fight any day of the week.

This fight is worth the torture of a thousand Jar-Jar's.

Oscar Nominations 2007

Time for me to start whining.

Be prepared.

Best motion picture of the year
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THE QUEEN

Comments: Sigh! I knew Children of Men was going to get snubbed here. At least Pan's Labyrinth can compete for best Foreign Language film. It got nominations for cinematography, film editing and adapted screenplay. I loved Little Miss Sunshine but I don't think it was best picture quality. I'm glad Dreamgirls wasn't nominated. It didn't deserve. Babel? Really? Why is everyone sweating this movie?

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio - BLOOD DIAMOND
Ryan Gosling - HALF NELSON
Peter O'Toole - VENUS
Will Smith - THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Forest Whitaker - THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

Comments: Eh, I can't really complain here except for the humongous snub of Sasha Baron Cohen who easily gave one of the greatest comedic performances of all-time. Matt Damon should have been nominated for The Departed (I'll watch The Good Shepard this weekend to see if he was doubly snubbed). Aaron Eckhart should have also been nominated for Thank You for Smoking but I'm used to him being ignored. This looks like a lock for Forest but it would be nice if Leo pulled an upset or if Peter O'Toole finally won one.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Penélope Cruz - VOLVER
Judi Dench - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Helen Mirren - THE QUEEN
Meryl Streep - THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Kate Winslet - LITTLE CHILDREN

Comments: No complaints except maybe Maggie Gyllenhaal (Sherrybaby). It's Helen Mirren's award but they need four other faces to show during the telecast.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jackie Earle Haley - LITTLE CHILDREN
Djimon Hounsou - BLOOD DIAMOND
Eddie Murphy - DREAMGIRLS
Mark Wahlberg - THE DEPARTED

Comments: Even though it was overacting at its best, I'm surprised Jack Nicholson didn't get nominated for The Departed as well. My heart wants Eddie Murphy to win but I really feel like Mark Wahlberg's performance was ten times better. Ben Affleck (Hollywoodland), Gael García Bernal (Babel), Michael Caine and Chiwetel Ejiofor (Children of Men) also deserved some recognition (I mean other than my shitty blog)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza - BABEL
Cate Blanchett - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Abigail Breslin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jennifer Hudson - DREAMGIRLS
Rinko Kikuchi - BABEL

Comments: Who saw Abigail Breslin getting nominated? Good for her. Surprised that both Adriana Barraza and Rinko Kikuchi got nominated for Babel. It must have been a weak year for supporting actresses.

Best animated feature film of the year
CARS
HAPPY FEET
MONSTER HOUSE

Comments: Monster House better win. I have a confession. I saw Happy Feet but opted not to review it (partly from the embarrassment of having seen it). I would have probably given it .

Achievement in directing
BABEL (Alejandro González Iñárritu)
THE DEPARTED (Martin Scorsese)
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA (Clint Eastwood)
THE QUEEN (Stephen Frears)
UNITED 93 (Paul Greengrass)

Comments: Marty vs. Clint? This never ends well. Can you believe that Clint Eastwood is 2 for 3 in Directing nominations and Scorsese is 0-5, losing one to Clint already. The other two Amigos, Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men) and Guillermo Del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth), would be nominated in a perfect world.

Best foreign language film of the year
AFTER THE WEDDING
DAYS OF GLORY (INDIGÈNES)
THE LIVES OF OTHERS
PAN'S LABYRINTH
WATER

Comments: Um, where's Volver? I feel like Pan's Labyrinth and Letters From Iwo Jima should switch places as far as the Foreign Language and Best Picture nomination but that's because I loved one and haven't seen the other.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" - AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
"Listen" - DREAMGIRLS
"Love You I Do" - DREAMGIRLS
"Our Town" - CARS
"Patience" - DREAMGIRLS

Comments: C'mon! THREE Dreamgirls songs? Seriously! What about Prince's "The Song of The Heart" (Happy Feet)?

Adapted screenplay
BORAT CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
LITTLE CHILDREN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL

Comments: Can someone please explain to me what Borat was adapted from*?

Original screenplay
BABEL
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

Comments: No complaints here. I'll be rooting for Pan's Labyrinth.

Here's the full list

*My friend told me that it's because the character wasn't created for the screen

24 Season Six: 10:00am - 11:00am

Body Count: 2

Here's the story of a man named Bauer,
Who was busy with two boys of his own,
They were three men, killing all together,
Yet they were all alone.



These are the days of our lives:

• I think the radiation transformed the p*ssy from the first four hours into the Jack Bauer who can kill 12 men in 10 minutes.
  
• Jack Bauer. CTU agent and Rescue 911.
  
• HOLY SHIT! Jack's brother is the leader of the Bluetooth cabal!!! His own brother tried to frame him for President Palmer's murder AND tried to have him killed.
  
• Annnnnnd now we know why...Graham's wife got sloppy Bauer seconds. This is like The Count of Monte Bauer.
  
• Jack was clearly slumming with Audrey and Kate Warner.
• Hm. Josh looks more like Jack.....uh oh.
• Graham did not inherit the Bauer chin.
• Jack Bauer is not his brother's keeper.
• Are there still warnings on plastic bags about suffocating? if so, Jack Bauer just ignored them.
  

"Lost" In A Elevator

I know this is old but I still love it...

Dead Man Walking

Perhaps I should shut the f*ck up

How long before Isiah Washington's Dr. Preston Burke is killed off Grey's Anatomy in lieu of his Golden Globes faux pas?

Place your bets, kids!

Currently reading

Weak-end Part II

So...I got myself kicked out of a bar. What did you do this weekend?

See, what had happened was...

Saturday night, a bunch of friends had decided to descend upon Prohibition to see The Gilfords. Now, as you may recall, I tried to see them last week with less-than-stellar results.

Before we made our way to Prohibition, we met at a friend's and drank a bit. Nothing wrong with that. Actually, this, in my opinion, is an irrelevant detail but it would be irresponsible of me to not divulge that I drank enough beers to get me a tryout to be an extra in the sequel of Beerfest (if there ever is one). But again, I think this had absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the evening. Others may disagree.

Anyhow, we got there and went to check our coats. While waiting, I rested my back against the wall. Because it was narrow, I tried to see if I could reach the other wall with my foot (In retrospect, I do this all the time. I should stop). Well, it turns out that I could...and it made a big foot-sized hole in the wall. I said, "Oh shit," checked my coat then went upstairs to enjoy the show.

About three songs in, the bouncer comes up to me and says can we talk to you outside. I immediately knew I was busted. I go outside and first, the guy is like "did you punch a hole in the wall?", to which I replied "No" and showed him my knuckles as proof. Then the manager comes out and says two people saw me intentionally kick a hole in the wall. Now, I'm not disputing that I put the hole in the wall but I was disputing his assertion that it was intentional. I told him my side of the story, we argued for a little bit to which I just said "You aren't going to believe anything I say so why don't you give me my coat then I'll go."

And that's how I got kicked out of Prohibition.

I wonder if I'm banned.

24 Season Six: 8:00am - 9:00am/9:00am - 10:00am

Body Count: 2

President Wayne Palmer, don't run for re-election.



This is the event they have been teasing since Day Two.

It finally happened.

In hour four, no less...

Not many favorite Jack Bauer moments:

• Carjack Bauer: "Don't get up!"
  
• Curtis?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Still...nice shot! The ghost of Tony Almeida should have come down and warned Curtis.
  

24 Season Six: 6:00am - 7:00am/7:00am - 8:00am

Body Count: 1



Wow. Let's add to the legacy of Bauer, shall we?

• Makes his first kill by BITING HIS JUGULAR but having the foresight to hold his neck long enough grab the keys to his cuffs
• During a struggle with a suicide bomber on a subway, he pulls his tie around the poll and pulls his head into it.
  
• Kicks the aforementioned suicide bomber out the back to the subway car (It doesn't count as a Bauer kill because the bomber pressed the detonator)
  

Spiders on Drugs

The Best of 24 so far...

In honor of Season Six, here are my favorite 24 moments so far...

The last thing a terrorist sees before
he wakes up from a nightmare

Day One:
- When Nina tells him that Kim is dead and Jack goes all psycho on the Drazen killing seven men including the Drazens, saving a clip for Victor Drazen himself.

Day Two:
- "I'm gonna need a hacksaw"
- When he pretended to kill Syed Ali's kids
- Jack dies for the first time
- While having a coronary event, Jack still manages to kill Kingsley's attack team including one with a Matrix-like off the wall neck break.

Day Three:
- Jack: You don't have any more useful information, do you?
Nina: I do...
Jack: No, you don't.
*Shoots Nina three times*
- When Jack emasculates Stephen Saunders by threatening to put his daughter into the infected hotel.
- When Jack decides that instead of using the ax to cut the chain off Chase's wrist, he would relieve Chase of one of the hands he uses to touch Kim behind his back. At least, that is how I interpreted it.

Day Four:
- When Jack shows the new CTU team how interrogations were done in his day by shooting the prisoner in the thigh.
- When Jack kills 10-12 (I forget the exact count) in 10 minutes to rescue Secretary Heller. Unfortunately, Audrey survives too.
- Jack tortures Audrey's husband, Paul, then gets him tortured, then Paul takes a bullet for Jack (even though he's wearing a vest...dumbass), THEN forces by gunpoint the doctor operating on Paul to stop and work on the Chinese informant he just abducted from Chinese consulate which leads to Paul's death. Paul only knew Jack for 10 hours.
- When Jack walks off into the sunset like Bill Bixby in The Incredible Hulk.

Day Five:
- "Let's get one thing straight, kid. The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you. Now get in the van."
- Jack avenges Palmer's assassination the only way he knows how - in cold blood.
- Jack gets his MacGyver on and blows up a terrorist through his cell phone.
- Jack to Walt Cummings: “You have read my file, you know I will cut out your right eye, then cut out your left eye, and keep cutting until I get what I want"
- Jack shoots Robocop's wife in the leg.
- We learn that every CTU agent is given a PDA memory card that can self-destruct like Mission:Impossible messages.
- Jack interrogation of Audrey. Unfortunately, she was innocent.
- Jack trains a lowly Navy solider how to kill Bauer-style via cell phone.
- Jack tricks Robocop with the old empty clip trick and kills another unarmed man who had it coming.
- Jack kidnaps the President of the United States. Is there anything he can't do?

What have I missed?

Don't Call Me During...: Winter 2007 Edition

It's about that time again where I let you into my pathetic little world of television watching as an Olympic sport.

Let’s mourn those shows that didn’t make it this far
Runaway
Smith
Kidnapped
Daybreak
Six Degrees
The Nine (although still “on hiatus”, it’s not coming back)
The O.C.

Sunday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: The Simpsons (unless it is a Lisa or singing episode)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Desperate Housewives / Rome
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Brothers and Sisters / Battlestar Galactica (new time slot)
10:00 PM –10:30 PM: Extras

Monday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: How I Met Your Mother
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Prison Break
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: 24(I’m going to try and keep a kill count again. Towards the end of Day 5, I couldn’t keep up with Bauer) / Heroes
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Studio 60 on Sunset Strip / What About Brian?

Tuesday:
8:00 PM – 9:00 PM: Gilmore Girls
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: House / Veronica Mars
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Dirt* (The first episode kinda sucked. Hopefully the second one will be better)

Wednesday:
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Bones / Friday Night Lights (new time slot)
9:00 PM - 9:30 PM: The Knight of Prosperity (if only ABC could have shown Sons & Daughters the kind of support they are showing this quirky show)
9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: In Case of Emergency* (C’mon, Jonathan Silverman is working again. How can you not root for that?)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Lost (new time slot)

Thursday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: My Name Is Earl (I love that the NBC Thursday comedy block is back)
8:30 PM - 9:00 PM: The Office
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Smallville
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Grey's Anatomy
9:00 PM – 9:30 PM: Scrubs
9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: 30 Rock

Friday:
9:00 PM – 10:00 PM: Monk
10:00 PM – 11:00 PM: Psyche

Saturday:
Watching all the shows I missed on DVR

Download: The L Word, The Dresden Files*, Ugly Betty

* On Probation

Weak-end

Now I'm not one of those people who can "hold their liquor" so to speak.

Despite my unparalleled and oft-challenged¹ ability to drink most alcohol at the same speed and ease at which a child drinks cherry Kool-Aid, I always seem to end up either here or here or here.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I don't learn.

Saturday night², I went to a Russian restaurant in Brighton Beach for a friend's birthday. One of the caveats of this restaurant is that the provide a bottle of Vodka per table. So the drinking options were diet coke, water and vodka. So we were drinking Vodka straight but eventually I had to chase it with the diet coke because there was no way I was going to make it back to the city (an hour and fifteen minute subway ride).

Also, I had planned to head to Prohibition on 80th and Columbus Ave. to see my favorite 80's cover band, The Gilfords, after dinner.

So at 1 AM (or something like that), I dragged myself out of the restaurant. I should have known there was a problem when they stopped me to tell me that I had only handed them $1 for all the food.

I got on the train with good intentions. But it took me two failed attempts to transfer trains for me to surrender going anywhere afterwards.

I don't know when or where I transferred. All I know is I woke up at 125th Street and hopped off before it was too late.

I won't say when I got home. Just be happy that I did.

Oh yeah, before I left the house, I was doing my laundry. I rushed out fo the house so I didn't have a chance to put on clean sheets so I had to sleep on my bare mattress.

I woke up Sunday morning incredibly nauseous. The combination of vodka and Russian food were recreating the Battle of Stalingrad in my stomach. I thought I was going to break my favorite Don'ts for 2007 but I survived.

Then I went off to Jeremy's Ale House for 32 oz Styrofoam cups of beer, 20 cent wings and New York football.

Overall, I had four quarts of beer. Two during the Jets loss and two during the Giants loss. Between beers three and four, I managed to spill 32 ounces of Yuengling on my brand new Motorola RAZR³. After a couple of hours of appearing to be down for the count, it started working again. Unfortunately, my phone now reeks of Yuengling.

All and all, a pretty quiet weekend.

¹ One person beat me in a race but she had a warm beer and I had a fresh cold one so I challenge the judge's decision.
² I should mention that I had two beers before I left for Queens but I figured that by the time I got there, I would be fine. I'm sure it didn't help the situation.
³ One of the Don'ts I forgot to add was "Don't break your cellphone this year" as this RAZR is now my third phone in three years. Luckily, my subconscious knew this was an impossible task.

2007: My Do's and Dont's

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty.
- John Selden

While these aren't resolutions per se, I think I'm up to the task of challenging, disappointing and embarrassing myself in front of you, my 1-5 readers.

DO write more in this blog about myself.

DON'T spend so much time on your couch.

However...

DON'T let anyone make you feel bad about spending so much time on your couch.

DO answer the phone every once and awhile and have a conversation that doesn't involve TV or the confirmation of plans.

DO start putting money into your savings account again.

DON'T spend so much money on food and booze.

DON'T order fried chicken wings and fried rice from the Chinese food spot just because it's only $5 bucks.

DO try to go to the gym 3-4 times a week even though you hate waking up at 4:45 AM to do so.

DO read more books.

DO learn something new.

DO travel somewhere for vacation, preferably somewhere warm.

DO retire all crushes...or do something about them.

DO pay off your credit cards.

DON'T buy so many funny t-shirts. You are almost thirty for Christ's sake.

DO buy more nice clothes and retire some of your older ones.

DON'T make an ass of yourself as much this year.

DO try to spend less time on the internet at work (although this is a bad start)

DO try to find someone who satisfies all aspects of your personality (or at least 60-75% of it).

DON'T judge people to harshly by their likes and dislikes (although not seeing say anything... by now is still considered a personal crime against humanity)

DO make 2007 an alcohol-related puke-free year.

DON'T make so much out of turning 30 this year.

Wish me luck!

Melanism.com's Top 10 Movies of 2006

In my particular order...

1. Children of Men
2. Pan's Labyrinth
3. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
4. The Fountain
5. The Departed
6. Little Miss Sunshine
7. Notes on a Scandal
8. Thank You For Smoking
9. The Science of Sleep
10. Monster House
    

What were yours?