Shiver My timbers!

Wooooooooooooooooooo

Movie of the Week: The Black Dahlia

This ranks as one of the worst movies I ever paid to see.

Just awful. The acting. The script. The plot.

There wasn't one redeeming quality in this film.

I don't even want to talk about it anymore.

I fell asleep at one point and then woke up and stayed awake until the end.

I wish I had just stayed asleep.

Movie of the Week: The Last Kiss

If you are expecting to see a more mature Garden State, then you would be correct. But by "mature", I mean milk three months past it's expiration date.

I can't believe Paul Haggis (two-time Oscar winner for Best Screenplay) wrote this shit.

I mean this wasn't the worst movie I saw this year in the theaters (this was) nor was this the most disappointing movie I saw this year (this was) but I really had high hopes for it based on the trailer and everyone involved (the aforementioned Haggis, Zach Braff, Tom Wilkinson, Blythe Danner, director Tony Goldwyn). So kudos to the guy who cut the trailer.

There was a point in the movie where it lost me. Now being an avid watcher of TV and movies, suspension of disbelief is something I've learned to live with. However, I refuse to accept a universe where a college girl who looks like Rachel Bilson looks across a wedding and is instantly attracted to someone who looks like Zach Braff. Not because of his witty banter or anything but is immediately stalking him at this wedding to be closer to him. I'm sorry. I can't do it. I can accept a universe where the artificial intelligence has taken over, reduced humanity to living batteries and traps us in a simulated reality, but that scenario...that's just bullshit.

There were so many storylines and characters that were dropped in the middle of the movie and brought back just for the sake of resolution. The actors were all good in it (except Braff sounds awkward when he's begging forgiveness and calling someone "Baby"). Rachel Bilson was given some of the most clichéd dialogue ever. It was as if everything she said was a tagline on the poster to a romantic movie. I wonder how many times she laughed reciting those lines.

If it's any consolation, the soundtrack (Aimee Mann, Fiona Apple, Coldplay, Cary Brothers) was pretty good except this time I already had most of the songs on my iPod (so HA! Mr. Braff). I think the only reason Zach Braff does these kinds of movies is that they will let him make a mixtape and call it a soundtrack.

Movie of the Week: The Science of Sleep

Randomness is very difficult to achieve. Organization always merges back if you don't pay attention.
- Stéphanie

Michel Gondry loves Brazil.

Not the country (although he might), but the Terry Gilliam's classic fantasy.

At least, I would be surprised if I ever read an interview or ran into him in a pug in England and asked him directly.

Because that's the kind of energy I felt in this movie.

My friend and I were smiling throughout the entire movie (well almost).

The script was really smart. Expect to see many of the lines in my quote generator on the sidebar and in future e-mail signatures.

The dream sequences were also well-done. Gondry, who also directed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, is really obsessed with the way the human mind works. He portrays the randomness of dreams extremely well and the way some people live inside their minds even when they interacting in the real world.

Gael García Bernal was amazing. I love when an actor constantly challenges himself. He sells Stéphane's confusion between dreams and reality as well as his regression into a childlike state anytime he feels Stéphanie rejects him in the slightest. Sadly, I will admit to empathizing with him because it is weird how rejection can make the most sane person turn into an 8 year who's just been told he can't stay up to watch television.

Charlotte Gainsbourg was also good as Stéphanie. The weird thing is you never really know how she feels about him but you can see why she could like him and why she should be completely terrified of him.

I know this is going to sound bad but I love it when someone who is not attractive on first sight is cast as the romanitc lead. Not to say Charlotte Gainsbourg is unattractive but she's someone who on an average day you wouldn't look twice at but by the end of the movie, you can see why Stéphane loves (or is obsessed with her). That's what makes a good on screen infatuation. A good example on a smaller scale is "Dawn" on BBC's The Office.

45 minutes into the movie, I was ready to buy it on DVD and even considering actually paying to see it again (this was a sneak preview). Unfortunately, the ending leaves much to be desired. It was as if Gondry (he wrote and directed this time out) realized he couldn't continue the back and forth between Stéphane and Stéphanie any longer and just decides to end it in a final scence that starts cute, turns ugly, then cute and then it's over. It fit but it still left you a little disappointed.

I'm still buying it.

And you should still see it.

This movie also reignited my desire to learn French.

The Science of Sleep comes out on September 22nd.

Movie of the Week: Beerfest

This makes up for Jay Chandrasekhar directing Dukes of Hazzard...almost.

Nothing mush to say. It was stupid (and they knew it was stupid) and it was funny.

If you liked Super Troopers, you'll like this. Simple as that.

On a side note, I really hope Will Forte isn't one of the guys let go from Saturday Night Live. He is too funny.

And yes, I drank before and after (including some Beerpong in which I was able to quote Barry: "I'm better when I'm drunk.")