Friday, July 29, 2005

I associate with morons

A conversation I had with a friend via Instant Messenger

[10:46] Friend: DUDE
[10:48] Sean: ?
[10:49] Friend: I am not so clearheaded from last night,cuz i went out drinking for my friend's birthday, and someone at work just pointed out to me I am wearing a different pair of shoe on each foot today!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
[10:49] Sean: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
[10:52] Friend: i have a grey sketcher on one foot and a white on the other
[10:52] Sean: do u have a camera phone
[10:58] Friend: yes
[10:58] Friend: i will send u a picture
[11:09] Friend: just sent it
[11:10] Friend: to your work addy

[11:10] Sean: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT
[11:11] Friend: i am fucking hungover
[11:12] Friend: i just reached down, grabbed the first available lefty and righty shoes i guess
[11:12] Friend: hmmmm, so maybe that cute girl on the train wasn't checking me out after all...

Thursday, July 28, 2005

My favorite quote from my favorite movie this summer

"I apologize to you if I don't seem eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, wondering Do I have food on my face? Am I eating, am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested? But I'm not that interested. But I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? Now she's not interested. So all of the sudden I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her. Do I have to wait for the door cuz' then it's awkward. It's like "Well, goodnight." Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you hug each other and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Or do you just go right in and kiss em' on the lips? Or you don't kiss em' at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering , "Are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?" And perhaps play a little game called, Just the tip in. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. Or "Ouch, ouch. You're on my hair."
--Jeremy Grey
Wedding Crashers

Friday, July 22, 2005

So all the mp3s have been erased from my computer...

I feel like a dingo ate all my babies.

(Fuck you, Bill)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Your help is needed...

LOCAL PR AGENCIES ASK FOR HELP TO SAVE LIFE OF COLLEAGUE IN DIRE NEED OF LIVER TRANSPLANT

31-Year-Old Shari Kurzrok Will Die Unless She Receives Liver Within Days

NEW YORK (July 20, 2005) - Shari Kurzrok is two months away from her wedding. The 31-year-old PR executive recently spearheaded the largest-ever national blood drive. Today, she is fighting for her life. Her doctors say she will not live if she doesn't receive a liver transplant within days, and her colleagues in the PR industry are urgently mobilizing to help her.

"I just pray that what Shari has loved to do for a living comes back to help her," says her fiance Robby Schnall, 35, a marketing executive at Cole Haan. Their wedding is planned for October 15 at Woodbury Jewish Center in Long Island.

Shari's sudden illness has taken her family, friends and doctors by surprise. She was admitted to New York University Medical Center last weekend, and within 24 hours she was told she needed a liver transplant to save her life. Her illness is still unexplained.

Kym White, managing director of Ogilvy Public Relations Worldwide, says the news has shaken Shari’s colleagues and friends, as well as the extended communications industry. All are quickly rallying to spread the word through PR and advertising in order to draw attention to Shari’s plight. “Shari is a phenomenal friend and colleague, and it is hard to imagine that someone who only recently led the largest-ever blood donor initiative for the American Red Cross with such energy and enthusiasm, is now in vital need of a liver donation.”

Shari led the 345-city Save-a-Life-Tour, which featured two convoys that traveled across the country to raise awareness about the importance of regular blood donation and to attract new donors including a younger and more ethnically diverse demographic. The campaign collected more than 3.2 million pints of blood and registered more than 38,000 new potential donors. Kamenna Lee, Director, Sales & Marketing for the American Red Cross, said, "Shari poured her heart, soul and life into one of our largest initiatives and truly helped save lives. I urge the public to help Shari the way she helped so many people."

Shari is a native of Great Neck, Long Island, and the daughter of Gloria and Mort Kurzrok. Her father says, “This is a race against time. We want to draw attention not only to Shari’s cause, but also to the urgent, ongoing need that challenge families like us every day.”

Potential donors must be Type A or Type O blood. Anyone wanting to help Shari with a liver transplant referral should call: 877-223-3386 or email: liverforalife@yahoo.com

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Commitment Lot

Now, I am not one of those guys who have commitment issues.

Actually, I am the exact opposite. I am pro-commitment.

I don't understand people who have commitment issues.

Until today...

I was at the parking lot of Walmart driving around looking for a good spot.

When I thought I found one, I parked and started walking towards the store.

And of course, there were at least three spots that opened up the second I parked.

I was annoyed but I let it go.

Then I went to IKEA and the same thing happened.

This time, it was the PRIME spot that opened up after I parked.

I screamed "DAMNIT" like I was Jack Bauer.

Then I was like, "ooooohh, now I get it."

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Pet Peeve #567

When doors you have to push have pull handles on them.

I hate that shit!

Monday, July 11, 2005

Being Bobby Brown: Television Gold



Tuesday, July 05, 2005

There will never be equality between men and women

You know why?

Because there are no $10 clothing stores for men.

Because a pair of shoes that costs a dude $10 looks like it cost $5.

It's just not right.

Monday, July 04, 2005

'Die Hard': The Greatest Action Movie of All-Time

A hundred million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

"Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."

Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.

All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.

Sister Teresa called me Mr McClane in the Third Grade. My friends call me John... and you're neither shithead

Welcome to the party pal.

What was it you said to me earlier? "Yippie-kay-ya, motherfucker."