Europe Update #2

• I spent the last two days in Brighton. The best way to describe it is the East Village by the shore. Everyone I met there sang or played some instrument. Of course, they all worked at pubs too.
• I'm beginning to miss the sun
• I love BBC sitcoms because they are more experimental than US shows. America's example of experimenting is copying a British show.
• Tomorrow I leave for Amsterdam. That's all I am going to say about that

Europe update #1

Ok, so I have been here since Saturday. Mostly drinking...Here are a couple of things...

• My friend's internet is down right now. I am going through withdrawal without any movies or music to download.
• Now I understand why Thom Yorke's lyrics are so depressing. No matter how many times I come here (this is #6 in my lifetime), I can never get used to how gloomy England is. Anytime the sun actually comes out it feels like an accident.
• I hate tourists. They walk so bloody SLOW.
• Ok, if there is an example of American intellectual superiority, it is the fact they still have bathroom sinks here with two faucets, 1 for hot water and 1 for cold. This country still does not value warm water.
• I have been on a lot of subways in a lot of different places. Why does New York's have to be the dirtiest in the world. Everywhere else has really nice and clean subways. Not us. If subways were toilet paper, London's would be a new pack of Charmin, New York's would be one ply, used and not flushed (beautiful imagery)
• My dear friend who originates from Canada informed me last night that they don't tip in England. She told me that here, whether you tip or not does not improve your service any. I had two thought immediately. 1) That explains the weird look the waitress kept giving me when I left a pound on the bar for her & 2 In the four times I have been here as a drinking adult, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I'VE WASTED!?!
• I was watching cable thisd afternoon and lo and behold, they have Ned & Stacy here. I love this county*.

Ok, I'm out of here. I hate internet cafes. I need to wash my hands.

* I know, I watch too much TV

i love it when...

...I'm on the train and an attractive woman comes on and she gives me a positive "oh he's kinda cute" look...

...then I reach into my bookbag and pull out a Batman comic.

I can almost feel the points be subtracted...

I keep it real.

(Although in my greatest train fantasy, she would say "Excuse me, is that the new issue?)

I don't know how I feel about this...

Amsterdammit!

How come if you tell someone you are going to Amsterdam for a week they make certain assumptions about you?

"Amsterdam, huh? I know what you are going to do."

Screw you, I have friends over there that I would like to visit.

I feel like I'm going to come back to work and have to take a piss test.

That's why if anyone asks, I'm going to England or Europe.

Thank God no one reads this thing.

Rebound Pope?

Let me get this straight

Pope John Paul died at the age of 84

Pope Benedict is already 78.

That sounds like a term limit to me.

Did they give this guy a physical?

It seems to me that they were in there like "Our relationship with John Paul lasted so long. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment right now. Let's pick John. Sounds like he had a pretty bad cough in the bathroom."

Dear Drunk White Sports Fan...

Don't touch a big black guy unless you want to fight...

It doesn't matter how much money he makes.

The same rules that apply in bars and clubs apply in the stands

I don't care if it's Gary Sheffield, Ron Artest or Ahmad Rashad.

Don't believe me?

Swing on Al Roker while he's doing the weather outside for the Today show.

Watch what happens

Is there anything more American than...

...piggin out with a Diet Coke?

Kevin Federline

His sperm must wear glasses.

I think he had Lasik done on his scrotum.

Because his boys can SWIM!

He better not cheat. He'll knock that girl up in a minute.

Following the Breadcrumbs

I decided to look up my OLD posts on Melanism.com.

How old?

A little over four years old (March 01 -April 02)

Before there was a "Blogger.com" and I did everything with HTML tags (I can't even remember how to use HTML anymore. Blogger.com has made me lazy)

A couple of observations...

• I watched way too many movies in that period of time.
• I used to update this site alot but that was more indicative of how little I had to do at my last job.
  
• I really should have spell checked these but they took so long to tag that if I made an error, I was not going back to fix it.
• My goal was to have an apartment by 2002. A matter of fact, it was one of the first things I posted about (March 01). Yeah, that really panned out.
• I skipped over anything I wrote about my last ex except to note I am such a fucking sap. I wouldn't date me after reading some of this crap
• I think I really suffered from depression.
• I really had a hard-on for Radiohead (6/01)
  
• I was really into Playstation 2. I don't even touch that thing now.
• The Five Deadly Venom Spitterz was a really bad idea. I'm glad it wasn't mine.
• I must have been really deluded to give Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back three and a half stars. I wasn't even high or drunk when I saw it (not that I do that). I had no excuse
  
• I can't believe I actually pleaded with the Yankees to get Jason Giambi (11/01). I brought it on myself.
• I never did get that personalized jersey with "Melanism" on the back
• I was unemployed for awhile. I have a shitty credit report to prove it.
• Most importantly, after reading this, I realize that I haven't acheived anything since I started Melanism.com. Why am I doing this again?
  

I Weep for the Future

Every once and awhile, while hanging out with my friends or my brother, I am struck with a thought that terrorizes me and should terrorize every living human being...

These silly ass fools, myself included, may have children one day and be responsible for their well-being.

What screwed up little monster they will be...

God have mercy on the world we leave behind.

The definition of sexism

I am at this party and the lady bartender ("bartendress"?) is kinda cute...

But aren't they always?

Then it hit me...

Female bartending is probably the second most sexist industry in America (although they are cute in the UK too)

The first being stripping.

Think about it.

Have you ever seen an ugly female bartender? Not necessarily attractive to you but you can definately see why she could be viewed as attractive to someone else.

Shit, have you ever seen a fat female bartender (in the bar owner defense, it would be hard for a big woman to navigate behind the bar)?

It's like that diner Elaine went to in "Seinfeld" where all the waitresses had large breasts.

(I know...I watch too much TV)