Keep Michael Jackson Out of Jail

Listen, I don't know if Michael jackson is innocent or guilty.

But all I know is if he goes to prison, he will no longer have access to the makeup crew he has now.

See, as hideous as Michael Jackson looks these days, it is better than what i can only imagine he looks like without makeup on.

I don't ever want to know what he really looks like..

And neither do you.

He should go to court one day with half his face undone just to give the prosecution a sneak preview.

A Great Adventure (a.k.a. The Six Flags Hustle)

So this Saturday was the annual clusterfuck known as the OKP Six Flags Great Adventure trip where everyone says they want to go, but only a handful of people actually shows up.

Accompanying me on this--the final Melanism-organized trip--was Bill and Yusef. Two others would show up later but my adventure was with Bill and Yusef.

So once we arrived, we went straight to Nitro.

After waiting on a line for 40 plus minutes, I was ready to go home. And so was Bill.

Yusef noticed that some guy handed the ride conductor a blue sheet, conductor signed it and the guy got on the ride right away.

After we got off Nitro, Yusef asked the Six Flags employee what the form was and he told him that it was a handicapped pass.

Yusef was intrigued and was ready to get his hustle on.

Yusef went to guest services while Bill and I sat down and tried to hide from the blistering heat.

He came back with a pass in hand.

He told him that he had a handicapped person in his party and all they asked him was "How many people in your party?"

After some hesitatation on my part and Bill's, we all went along and went on every ride with NO WAIT.

None.

Yusef attributed to the fact that these kids make $7 dollars an hour and don't give a fuck.

They didn't even ask us which one of us was supposed to be handicapped.

This is easily the most interesting trip that I ever had a Great Adventure that had no romantic underpinnings.

Yes, I know my spot in hell is reserved.

I hope I get a handicapped pass so I don't have to wait on that hot ass line.

Signal da Plane! No. Row the Boat!

I'm over it.

Let's move on.

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I think one day we are going to get to the point where we are judged by our iPod's.

You're gonna be talking to some girl and she's gonna ask to see your iPod and browse through it and see one too many Elton John tracks on there and it's going to be a wrap.

I think my iPod would say that I'm eclectic...or that I was a thug lesbian born in the suburbs in a previous lifetime.

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If I ever (Ha!) get a job that gives me an office, don't be surprised if you see this on my desk


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The U.S. Beach Volletball team won the gold.

Misti May and Kerri Walsh

I'm sorry but they just wasted two good porn names.

Maybe this is my problem...

If you feelin like a pimp...

A*V*P

So I bought the Predator Collector's Edition on Friday out of boredom and it came with a free ticket to Aliens vs. Predator.

I had nothing really going on Friday so I decided to cash it in.

It wasn't as awful as I thought it could be but that's not good enough for Aliens vs. Predator. I had more fun watching Freddy vs. Jason which was corny but it knew what the fans wanted.

The end was cool and Sanaa was mailing it in.

Would I blow 10 bucks on it?

Probably not.

But if you bought the Predator Collector's Edition and saw Aliens vs. Predator with the free ticket, then it is totally worth it. A matter of fact, that is the ONLY way it is worth it.

I feel like I could eat a horse!

Anyone who smokes on the regular and maintains a stellar figure, I salute you

Garden State

Great movie.

Impressive for someone's first movie but it still felt like someone's first movie.

The ending was too blah for this movie. Not blah but not on par with the rest of the film. It was like he had everything but an ending when he originally wrote it and he needed something.

Fair enough for your first time, Zach.

But Natalie Portman?

I fell in love with her.

She reminded me of this girl Fran I used to be in love with my senior year of high school. She reminded me of everything I liked about this girl. Of course, Natalie Portman is like 25 and Fran was like 17 so that kinda weirded me out.

But I don't Natalie Portman has done a better movie.

Go see it when it comes to your city.

I'll be fine.

I was thinking about Swingers yesterday and I remembered this part. This is why I go to the movies

__________________________________________

ROB
That's your problem, man. You can't see what you've got, only what you've lost. Those guys are right. You are "money".

Mike smiles, then...

MIKE
(starting to cry)
Then why won't she call...?

ROB
Because you left, man. She's got her own world to deal with in New York. She was
a sweet girl but fuck her. You gotta move on. You gotta let go of the past. The future is so beautiful. Every day is so sunny out here. It's like Manifest Destiny man. I mean, we made it. What's past is prologue. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. All that
shit. You'll get over it.

MIKE
How did you get over it? I mean how long 'til it stopped hurting?

ROB
Sometimes is still hurts. You know how it is, man. I mean, each day you think about it less and less. And then one day you wake up and you don't think of it at all, and you almost miss that feeling. It's kinda weird. You miss the pain because it was part of your life for so long. And the, boom, something reminds you of her, and you just smile that bittersweet smile.

MIKE
You miss the pain?

ROB
... for the same reason you miss her. You lived with it so long.

MIKE
Wow.

R.I.P. Superfreak

It's sad that Rick James died on Friday.

What's sadder are the two thoughts (aside from every Dave Chappelle as Rick James quotable)

1) I hope it's of natural causes so i won't have to listen to people say "Cocaine is a helluva drug" a gazillion times.

2) I hope this doesn't effect the planned Dave Chappelle/Charlie Murphy moive based on Rick James' autobiography. I know now that he's dead such a venture would seem kind of tasteless. But I think it's what he would have wanted...

He's Rick James

Bitch

"So sorry to hear that..."

I think the worse post-breakup thing having nothing to do with the actual breakup is having to constantly tell people who don't know that you've broken up.

I contemplated sending out a press release or little "I'm sorry to inform you that..." (Hallmark is going to steal that idea. Mark my words"

Honestly, it blows.

I am going to write a book/screenplay about a guy who's just broken up with his girlfriend and throughout the movie I'm going to have people inquire about his ex has a truty comic tool.

I find myself actually avoiding calling people who don't know because I am going to have to break the news to them and then deal with the following questions that I don't want to answer.

"What happened?" (I've narrowed my response down to "things just didn't work out")
"Was it mutual?" ("Yes")
"Are you okay?" (I usually lie and say "I'm fine" if only to change the topic)

So, if you still read my website, and I haven't spoken to you in the last month...

Times a-changing

So it has been a little over two months since I last posted.

Let's see what has happened since then.

I turned 27

Happy Birthday to me.

I am single again.

*groan*

Yeah, that's about it.

So needless to say, i have been too busy moping to post.

I have reverted to my post-breakup college days where I forsook the music of Jay-Z and Outkast for Sarah McLachlan and Aimee Mann.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a little bitch again.

So I will be here a whole lot. Seeing I have nothing else to do.

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Bush Straight Talk starring Will Ferrell

"And don't watch the news...unless it's Fox"