Monday, May 24, 2004
Melanism = Chris Elliot in "Get A Life"
So I had a free pass to see The Day After Tomorrow on Saturday and was very amped to go see it.
So Saturday morning, I drove my girlfriend to work and when I came back, my mother was cleaning my room.
Not wanting to deal with her, I went to another room.
When I came back, the ticket that had been sitting on the dresser was gone.
She swears she didn't throw anything out but I found everything but that ticket.
All I could think is, "I swear to all that is Holy, I live in a sitcom"
I'm just glad I didn't invite anyone to accompany me so I wouldn't have to tell them, "We can't go. My mom threw away the ticket."
July can't come soon enough.
So Saturday morning, I drove my girlfriend to work and when I came back, my mother was cleaning my room.
Not wanting to deal with her, I went to another room.
When I came back, the ticket that had been sitting on the dresser was gone.
She swears she didn't throw anything out but I found everything but that ticket.
All I could think is, "I swear to all that is Holy, I live in a sitcom"
I'm just glad I didn't invite anyone to accompany me so I wouldn't have to tell them, "We can't go. My mom threw away the ticket."
July can't come soon enough.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Random Thought
How can anyone make love to a Michael Jackson or R. Kelly song?
You could lose your focus and hear a lyric that--given their current circumstances--would have a double-meaning and it would throw your whole shit off.
You betta stick to Maxwell and D'Angelo.
You could lose your focus and hear a lyric that--given their current circumstances--would have a double-meaning and it would throw your whole shit off.
You betta stick to Maxwell and D'Angelo.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Ladies, I'm gonna help you out for a bit...
Most single guys are not going into a date looking for a relationship.
The sooner you understand that, the beter off you'll be.
Guys, for the most part, kind of fall into relationships.
Some of us are looking for a relationship.
But for the rest it's a kind of rationalized process.
"I like her. She's cool. We've had sex. I really don't wanna mess with someoen else. i guess we are together, huh."
Simple.
Don't be mad because we know what we don't want.
Thus Endeth the lesson
The sooner you understand that, the beter off you'll be.
Guys, for the most part, kind of fall into relationships.
Some of us are looking for a relationship.
But for the rest it's a kind of rationalized process.
"I like her. She's cool. We've had sex. I really don't wanna mess with someoen else. i guess we are together, huh."
Simple.
Don't be mad because we know what we don't want.
Thus Endeth the lesson
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Fishy circumstances
I'm still salty about the Lakers beating the Spurs which pretty much assures that the Lakers will win another NBA championship unless the greatest rapist to ever play basketball gets happy in Sacramento or Minnesota and rapes the bellhop*
But really, .4 seconds.
What the fuck can you do in .4 seconds, really?
The NBA rules state that all you can do in .3 seconds is a tip-in.
So an extra .1 allows you to catch, turn and shoot.
That's some fucking bullshit.
And I know what the Lakers faithful are gonna say...
"Well, he should have had .8 seconds after Duncan's shot"
You're right, he should have.
But he didn't.
No way that clock started when fisher touched the ball.
You can't even blink twice in .4 second
Everytime I touch a key is a second.
That game changed this series.
David Stern can smile again.
*Funny until proven innocent
But really, .4 seconds.
What the fuck can you do in .4 seconds, really?
The NBA rules state that all you can do in .3 seconds is a tip-in.
So an extra .1 allows you to catch, turn and shoot.
That's some fucking bullshit.
And I know what the Lakers faithful are gonna say...
"Well, he should have had .8 seconds after Duncan's shot"
You're right, he should have.
But he didn't.
No way that clock started when fisher touched the ball.
You can't even blink twice in .4 second
Everytime I touch a key is a second.
That game changed this series.
David Stern can smile again.
*Funny until proven innocent
Monday, May 17, 2004
The EA Curse got Roy Jones Jr.!
I hear Carmelo Anthony is gonna be on the cover of the next NBA Live.
So young...
Friday, May 14, 2004
Ko Be Yourself
Y'know people have been talking lately about is Kobe the best player in basketball right now and is he Jordanesque now
I don't know about all that.
But...
I will concede this point.
He is the best rapist* to have ever picked up a basketball.
if not him, then who else.
Only the good people of Colorado can take that away from him.
I don't know about all that.
But...
I will concede this point.
He is the best rapist* to have ever picked up a basketball.
if not him, then who else.
Only the good people of Colorado can take that away from him.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Black women & American Idol don't mix
It's okay, baby.
I hate this show.
I was never really into it.
I watched it the first season out of morbid curiosity and when Tamyra got booted, I was done.
Well, this year I am done.
Latoya was the best singer to ever grace the stage at American Idol.
E V E R.
This show is forever tainted by her departure at this stage.
Fuck you, Hawaii.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Melanism Spring Movie Preview
There really isn't shit I want to see this Spring...
* Shrek 2 (May 21)
* The Day After Tomorrow (May 28) - I might need to see a couple of reviews before I committ
* Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (June 4) - I am only anticipating this movie becuase Alfonso Cuaron (director of Y Tu Mama Tambien is directing)
* Spider-Man 2 (June 30) - I will NOT be at work this day
Where are the good R-rated movies?
* Shrek 2 (May 21)
* The Day After Tomorrow (May 28) - I might need to see a couple of reviews before I committ
* Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (June 4) - I am only anticipating this movie becuase Alfonso Cuaron (director of Y Tu Mama Tambien is directing)
* Spider-Man 2 (June 30) - I will NOT be at work this day
Where are the good R-rated movies?
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Monday, May 10, 2004
Some Fed Ex Bullshit
So my company needed to send out a major mailing of 700 press kits but our mailroom did not have enough Fed Ex envelopes.
Fine. So we called Fed Ex and they said they could get supplies to us in 1-2 days and they couldn't even guarantee 2 days.
At first, I just started thinking of a Plan B when it occurred to me during my lunch break
"Fed Ex can't get me a package from their own facility overnight but if I wanted to send some anthrax from here to California by 10:30 AM, not a problem"
Needless to say, I was livid and I injected my anger into the mailroom employees and they called them back asking why they couldn't Fed Ex us some Fed Ex supplies.
Policy.
Assholes.
They ended up letting us go across the street (!) and pick some up from one of the Fed Ex spots.
Fine. So we called Fed Ex and they said they could get supplies to us in 1-2 days and they couldn't even guarantee 2 days.
At first, I just started thinking of a Plan B when it occurred to me during my lunch break
"Fed Ex can't get me a package from their own facility overnight but if I wanted to send some anthrax from here to California by 10:30 AM, not a problem"
Needless to say, I was livid and I injected my anger into the mailroom employees and they called them back asking why they couldn't Fed Ex us some Fed Ex supplies.
Policy.
Assholes.
They ended up letting us go across the street (!) and pick some up from one of the Fed Ex spots.
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